hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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