why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
