She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
