he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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