i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
