I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize