I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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