This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
