"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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