It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
