I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
