yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
