things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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