I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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