Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
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