I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
