So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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