So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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