You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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