My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
