all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
