So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
