He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
