I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
