i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
