it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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