She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
