I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
