Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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