I'm gonna have a badass scar
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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