i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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