I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What a dumb baby whore.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
