"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
