Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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