dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
