I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize