did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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