im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
