According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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