The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He felt like a one man threesome
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
