He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
