I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
