there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she looked like the before picture.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
