wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
