Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
