She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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