I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
