and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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