You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
