I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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