i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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