I can feel you judging me through the phone.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
