the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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