Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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