If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
