So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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