Dual....:-)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize