So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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