the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
