I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
