D3 body, D1 cock
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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