omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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