I could make wine with my vomit
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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