Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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