officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
