Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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