Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
