do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
