You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
