I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
