She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
