Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
